The Stress and The Family

Stress can be defined as a state of worry or mental tension caused by a difficult situation. Stress can have a significant impact on families, as it can affect the way family members interact with each other and their ability to cope with challenges. Families are often going to be exposed to stress and the way they deal with it could change the entire family system.

For this situation, we can use the ABC-X model as a framework to understand how we can adapt to stressful events. Developed by Hill in the 1940s, the model is based on the following factors:

A - Stressor Event: This is the objective stressor or event that starts everything. There is a wide variety of stressor events such as sudden unemployment, infidelity, illness, major unforeseen expenses, or other financial problems. The severity and duration of the stressor can vary but there is no doubt that there will be changes because of this.

B - Family Resources: This component refers to the family's ability to cope with the stressor event. Resources can include the support of extended family, community help, food, and food storage, church charities and other support, social welfare programs,  savings, financial stability, social support, trained professionals, etc. This also includes how prepared is the family to use those resources since two families may have the same resources but the same capacities or abilities to apply them the same way/

C - Family Perception: This component refers to how the family perceives the stressor event. Perception can be influenced by cultural beliefs, values, attitudes, and resources, as well as individual experiences and expectations. Our perception can be distorted by challenges in our way of thinking such as:

• All or Nothing Thinking
• Mental Filter
• Discounting the Positive
• Jumping to Conclusions
• Magnification or Minimization
• Should Statement
• Labeling
• Blaming

The interaction of these three components can result in either positive or negative outcomes for the family. The X factor, not the TV Show but in the model, represents the outcome, which can range from a negative outcome (such as family breakdown, death or losses, chronic stress, etc.) to a positive outcome (such as increased family cohesion or growth).

Realizing the different types of Stressors Events has been a great source of support to shape the way we respond to stress itself in our family. Since we cannot control the events that occur in our lives, but we can control the way we respond to them, using the Five Tools for Effective Coping by Lauer & Lauer is a great way to deal with stress:

1. Taking Responsibility: Taking Responsibility requires recognizing and accepting one's own role in a situation and taking action to improve it. This tool helps individuals avoid blaming others and feeling helpless. By taking responsibility, individuals can focus on what they can control and take steps to change the situation.
2. Affirming Individual and Family Worth: This tool involves recognizing and affirming the value and worth of oneself and family members. It helps to build self-esteem and promote positive relationships. Individuals can affirm their worth by expressing appreciation and gratitude, focusing on strengths and accomplishments, and supporting each other through difficult times.
3. Balancing Self-concern with Other-concern: This is a little bit more complicated to use since oftentimes people feel like they need to be 100% on one side of the other. However, it helps individuals to avoid being too self-centered or too other-focused. Balancing self-concern with other-concern involves practicing empathy, active listening, and compromise.
4. Learning the Art of Reframing: Reframing involves looking at a situation from a different perspective or reframing it in a more positive light. When we reframe, we avoid negative thinking and focus on solutions. Reframing can help find the silver lining in a difficult situation, look for opportunities to learn and grow and change negative self-talk into positive self-talk.
5. Finding and Using Available Resources: This concept is obviously a “tool to use tools” but it does help when we identify and use resources. We can start by making lists, searching online, asking friends and family, and seeking professional or even religious help. Finding and using resources can help individuals to feel supported, validated, and empowered.

I have personally seen special benefits from “Learning the Art of Reframing” and “Taking Responsibility” as ways to cope with stress because they change the C in the ABC-X model, which is mostly my perception.